A man is a BITCH when...
Carrying things.
You need your wallet, keys, and a knife, that's it. Fuck your phone.
Chasing after dropped coins.
It's below you now, let it go you broke fuck.
Closing containers with the hip.
That swing move on the fridge door really accentuates your fat ass.
Crossing the street in the crosswalk.
Extra bitch points if you press the button.
Dancing.
Also known as applied autism.
Having keychains with trinkets.
You lack resource if you need to carry a bottle opener.
Reading about self-help, getting rich, getting fit, getting smart.
You already know exactly what to do. Stop looking for shortcuts bitch.
Taking a bath.
Cock-n-ball stew with you as the main course. Disgusting.
Taking a selfie.
It's right in the word: you're a self-important ninny for doing this.
Turning around when walking.
Do another lap and try again. By no means stop and turn around.
Using products in the shower.
You need soap and shampoo, and even that is questionable. Stop with all the gels.
Using cosmetics of any kind.
That's the definition of metro bitch.
Using an umbrella.
This should only be used for dispersing a crowd of birds.
Wearing a sports jersey when not on that team.
Does that team pay you to advertise, cuck?
Wearing slippers.
Unless your slippers are a pair of unlaced boots, you a bitch.